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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I want to be hot

So i have decided that i must diet in anyway possible. i must lose weight any way possible..i want to be skinny, hot and super sexy, i want that when i walk into walmart people stare at me with the oooo she is so hot look.... welll maybe not that far but i want to be able to by the super small cloths. i want to strolle but the pool and not let it bother me how i look and that i can say this is me, i have had 2 kids and you know i am awesome...

Will it happen i doubt...

Do i want it to happen sure hope so......

i think i am gonna try to work out everyday.. start out small and then work up....

if i have to starve i have to starve i did it in high school and lost a crap load of weight while being hooked on slim fast i hate if for lunch breakfast snack dinner and everything i can do it again.....

i give my self one year to to get to the weight of 120... 110 would be better but i ll take 120.....

so tomorrow it starts....
i am gonna go to the gym... just drink water all day.. and eat maybe a salad....
and see how that goes.....

and if i keep it up.. maybe something good will come out of it.....

i just wish i had support. someone i can tell and not judge i have jay but i want a friend.. someone outside my relationship who understands how i feel....

i think i just need to believe in myself.....
it just so hard any more with everything going on with my parents and what not.

I think i am so ashamed i have let myself go. that i have like turned into a blob of nothing that just here to take care of my family i think if i was skinny and took care of my family i would be more happier.. iam tired of the fake ur pretty it looks nice.. no your not fat. just say it you all you know you wanna.. just tell me to my face and quit sugar coating it...

i think i am letting this controll my life cuz its bothering me to a point of things that use to make me happy are not any more really so i need to make the change and only i can get my self skinny no one else can....

i just dont know why i am letting it controll me so much. i wish i new :(

Jessica

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